Addictions Hurt

I honestly feel sorry for anyone trying to overcome addictions to hard drugs or alcohol. A few days ago, I decided to stop smoking cigarettes. I have talked about it for months, but never followed through on the talk. I posted a not to myself asking God to help me stop smoking cigarettes and putting my trust in him, and then I quit cold turkey. Oh wee… this is very difficult. Not only do I have work hard not smoking cigarettes, but also I found myself eating more than usual, and I cannot afford to gain any weight. I feel as if I am being hit with a double whammy. No smoking and no eating, at least when I am not hungry. I have resorted to eating butterscotches (ran out) and cough drops (about to run out). The thing is, sometimes it feels as if it actually hurts not smoking cigarettes. I can feel the nicotine pulling at my system, begging for more, pleading for me to go to the store and get a pack. I feel as if my mind is playing tricks on me, little cigarette men running around me, pulling at my pant legs, screaming, “let’s go to the store and get a pack of our friends. Go next door, down the street, someone has one, just for you.” So far so good, I have not given into the little men, voices in my head, shakes in my hands, begging for a cigarette.

I am proud of myself in some respects. Normally when I don’t have cigarettes I am a tyrant, my kids have to run for cover. I said since I am purposely not smoking, my kids were not going to suffer for my choice and I have managed to be cool most of the time. The other thing that I am proud of is that when I get upset, I tend to reach for a cigarette and if I don’t have one, borrow from a neighbor. I am happy to say that during my stress points I have grabbed my yo-yo instead.

I know it has only been a few days, but I just have to take one day at a time. I know that I can’t worry about tomorrow, just focus on getting through today. Well this day is almost over for me, and I can mark another smoke free day off my calendar.

What things are you trying to change in your life that is very difficult for you?

What techniques are you using to cope?

What do you hope to gain from the changes you are making?

Women are interesting

Let me begin by saying that this post is not a dig at women. I am sure that all women are different; it’s just that recently I have discovered that they are interesting.

This year I turned 41 years old. I have never had close women friendships, at least not in almost 15 years, and then I only had one. I grew up running behind my brother and found men to be much easier for me to socialize with and understand. I had heard that women could be a trip but never really experienced it much, at least not enough for it to matter. I just knew that I would hate to be a man, because I have always thought that women were high maintenance. I am a low maintenance type of women and never clicked well with women growing up. I never understood the shoes, make-up and hair thing. It was always just easier for me to hang around with men; I can take a crude joke and tell quite a few myself. I tend to enjoy life and don’t get offended very often.

Almost four years ago, I moved onto the street in which I currently live and I made friends with a couple of my female neighbors. I really had no idea that women can be so petty over very small things. I like to call things to the carpet when I have an issue with someone. I have found that some women will just stop talking to you and not bother to tell you why, and treat you rudely when they see you. I have also found that just because they grow older doesn’t mean that they stop this behavior, which came as rather a surprise to me. I was under the belief that we outgrow most of our child-like behavior, but I am finding this is not true. Believe me, I understand that this applies to men also, just seems to be in a different way.

I have also found out that women can be very demanding with their friendships. I operate under the understanding that we are all human and we make mistakes, have bad days, and judge to quickly sometimes. I try to forgive people for their humanness, sometimes too often. Even though I am very straightforward, I believe that I have to try to accept people for who they are if I am to expect them to except me for who I am. I don’t try to change my friends, I try to understand my friends and accept them for who they are. I believe that if the good in a person outweighs the bad, then I can put up with the bad, no one is perfect. I have come to learn that most people do not operate in this fashion. While I tolerate the things about them that I do not like, because I feel they are overall worth knowing. Sometimes I feel that I am not given the same allowances.

Over the past month, I have found that, it is not allowable for me to not listen to someone else’s problems or agree with what they believe. I have also found that it is not allowed for me to say something about someone’s business, however small, even though that person has told my business many times. I have come to understand that to some of the people who I thought were friends, I am always supposed to be in the giving position. I truly hold myself responsible for this; I am a giver and many times give long after I should have cut a person off. I like to live an agreeable life, one where we can all get along as best possible. I am a true Cancer in this sense; I mother people and do far too much for them. In trying to get along with others, I sometimes allow people to use me. This is something that my sister can’t stand about me. The very people who are upset with me are people my sister told me to leave alone a long time ago, but I did not listen. She pointed out to me that they were users, but I just didn’t want to believe it.

I have a hard time understanding using other people and taking when you don’t need. I try to make sure that I am giving as much as you are giving me and usually I don’t mind giving more, but even I too get tired. Sometimes I want to be alone, to myself, by myself. Does this mean that I can’t have friends? I am most definitely choosing the wrong friends. My sister has told me since I moved over here that my neighbors and I are too intimate, but I just thought that she was antisocial. I have come to understand what she means; I have decided that in the future to put a limit on the relationships that I develop with my neighbors, it makes living around them much easier. When things go wrong in any situation, I tend to analyze myself and try to understand what I did wrong. Maybe sometimes I haven’t actually done anything wrong. I have decided that it doesn’t always have to be my fault and maybe sometimes people are asking and expecting too much of me. I am human also and I have decided in my humanness, I will move on and not let them worry me.

In what ways do you find women or people in general interesting?

In what ways do people ask or expect too much of you?

In what ways do you ask or expec

Thank you

When did saying thank you become an art form? Saying thank you seems like such an easy thing to do, yet so many people find it hard to do. Relationships amongst people can be greatly improved by just saying thank you. The worse thing is that we tend to do is not say thank you to the people who are the most important hold the most value in our lives. Why do we take for granted that they know that we are thankful for the things that they do? I fail to understand why letting a person know that we appreciate them is so difficult. I am willing to bet that all of us want to be appreciated by others especially our loved ones, but do we appreciate others? I try very hard to teach my children to treat others, as you want to be treated. I tell my children thank you all the time, yet they seem to think that the things I do for them, I am supposed to do. Are we naturally selfish or thankful?

Mind your own damn business

Isn’t it funny how people can mind other people’s business when they are not minding their own? I have two sons ages 12 and 13. My neighbor has a 13-year-old grandson that she is raising. Her grandson and my oldest boy are best friends. I find it interesting that there is times when I am saying something to my son she jumps in my shit. I make it a point not to get into other people’s shit especially concerning their kids. Yet, she gets into my shit and seems to think that what she says overrules what I say to my son. This is something that is getting on my nerves. I try my best to be a good neighbor and I don’t want to cause a riff. I have to live on the street with them and I want us all to get along.

This is one of the few times that I have not spoken up and put a stop to something. When it happens I am usually angry and don’t want to say the wrong thing. Nevertheless, I feel that it is time to put a stop to what is going on. At this point I don’t too much care about how she feels about it; I care about how I feel. I am not trying to have my son think he does not have to do what I say and get away with it. I am tired of people trying to run my house and they are not paying my bills or raising my kids. I am not interested in running some else’s house. I have a hard enough time running my own house.

Are their times when you are minding some else’s business?

Do other people constantly meddle in your business?

What do you do about these situations?

Speaking when you should not

One of the things that I learned over the years is the one of worse things you can do is say something when you are angry. Sometimes when angry you can say something that you really do not mean, because you want to hurt the other person the way that they have hurt you. Most of the time this works out to be a mistake. A mistake that is hard to forgive and make a person lose trust in you.

Another time you should not speak is when you are drunk. The difference between talking when angry and drunk is that when we are drunk we tend to tell things that are true but kept quiet for the time being.

I am all for being honest and telling things like it is. I also understand that there is a time when things should go unsaid and that we should sometimes hold our tongue. Sometimes we allow things that need saying to go unsaid for too long and allow issues to build up and hurt relationships when we release the hurt that we have carried for a long time. I try not to allow things to build up and say things before too much time lapses.

If there is an issue to confront, I try to do it right away while the issue is fresh instead of waiting months or years and letting it build up and then laying a list of shit out at someone of all the ways they have offended me or made me mad. I like to lay it on the carpet right away if possible. I do not believe in bullshitting people and I do not like for people to bullshit me.

 

When are some other times to you think that we say things at the wrong time?

How do you handle confrontations?

Why can’t people just say what they mean?

I find it interesting that so many people are unable to say that they mean and mean what they say. Now my neighbors call me “A straight shooter with no chaser.” If you don’t know what this mean, its straight shot of liquor without no water chasing behind it. It also means you are the kind of person who doesn’t take any bullshit. Now over the years I have worked hard not to be so very direct, but I am still a straight shooter. I don’t like to guess at what people are saying and I don’t like for people to have to guess at what I am saying.

Do you ever…

Do you ever feel like everyone gets except you?

It seems every day when I open my email account someone has sent me an email telling me they know the secret to something. The secret to business success, riches, the perfect body, always some secret that I don’t know. Sometimes I think maybe there are secrets that I don’t know because it sure seems the older I get, the less I seem to know or understand.

Forgiveness

This week we will be working on forgiving. The art of forgiving is very difficult for many people. Many people believe that they have to forget in order to forgive this is not true. You may not forget the wrongs done to you, but you can forgive the wrongdoer and you can stop dwelling on the wrongs you believe have been committed against you. When we work to forgive we open our hearts to love.

This week’s tasks are:
1. Forgive others when they wrong you, say a prayer and let the wrong go.
2. Forgive yourself when you do something wrong against others and especially yourself.
3. Accept that your God has already forgiven you.
Each day practice forgiving others and yourself. At the end of the day, evaluate how your day went. Thank God for the day, let it go and start a new fresh day tomorrow. Remember that yesterday is history and tomorrow is a mystery. Live each day in the present.
God Bless

Change

Are you ready to change your life?

 

This is a great time and opportunity to change your life for the better. Beginning on Sunday we will begin working on making changes in our lifes. We will spend a week looking at and working on areas in  our lifes that could be changed and living life in a more mindful way.

 

What do I mean by this?

 

Well each week we will work on an area that we will pay more attention to. We will begin on Sunday with forgiveness. For the following week we will pay attention to forgiving ourselves and others. Each day we will look for areas to incorporate forgiveness in our lives and consider each day how we did. We will begin each day new, not worrying about how well we did yesterday or how well we will do tomorror. Remember the saying, Yesterday is history and Tomorrow is a mystery. Our goal is to work on each day and stay in the present.

 

Our goal is to balance our spiritual and material worlds to live and work in balance. We are working on releasing our Ego and becoming one with all that we are and that God intends us to be. It is not about denying who we are, it is about excepting who we are, are good qualities and our faults. It is God’s desire that we be happy and happiness comes from being able to accept that we are human, and that God loves us and that we need to loves ourselves.

 

Are you ready to take this adventure with me?

 

We are headed towards living a life of fullness and joy.

 

God’s blessing to all.

Letting Go

This time of economic turmoil is a prime opportunity to let go of behaviors that have lead us into the personal crisis that many of us are experiencing.

It is no surprise that when things are going bad in people’s lives they turn to God and when things are going great we move away from God. During good times God gets edged out and the ego rules our lives.

So now we are turning to God for help, praying for salvation. But are we taking the time to make sure that we do not end up in the same situation again? Are we learning the lessons that we need to learn, to keep us from falling prey to our egos again?

I admit, there are some things that are out of our control, especially at times like this. Your job has laid you off and you are behind on your mortgage. Yet when times were good, how much money did you save? Financial Advisors have been telling people to save at least a year’s expenses for a rainy day, yet only 1% of Americans actually did this. Could you be in a better financial position if you had put some money away or did you chose a big screen TV or new car instead? How much responsibility are you accepting concerning your current financial condition?

While we can not do anything about yesterday, this is a prime opportunity to let go of ways that could lead you to financial disaster in the future. If the economy suddenly picked up and your life improved, would you go back to your old spending all you make ways? Would you be more careful about the choices you make in the future to prevent you from falling into a crisis if the economy soured?

The ego works hard to tell you that you need things you really don’t need. A big house you can’t really afford, a fancy car, fancy clothes, Starbucks everyday, because it leads you to believe everyone else has these things. Could this be a perfect opportunity to stop letting your Ego be in charge of your life?

This I believe is the perfect time to let go of the Ego and get more in tune with the God you are praying to for help, but not for the short run, for the rest of your life.

Are you ready to really change your life?