Addictions Hurt

I honestly feel sorry for anyone trying to overcome addictions to hard drugs or alcohol. A few days ago, I decided to stop smoking cigarettes. I have talked about it for months, but never followed through on the talk. I posted a not to myself asking God to help me stop smoking cigarettes and putting my trust in him, and then I quit cold turkey. Oh wee… this is very difficult. Not only do I have work hard not smoking cigarettes, but also I found myself eating more than usual, and I cannot afford to gain any weight. I feel as if I am being hit with a double whammy. No smoking and no eating, at least when I am not hungry. I have resorted to eating butterscotches (ran out) and cough drops (about to run out). The thing is, sometimes it feels as if it actually hurts not smoking cigarettes. I can feel the nicotine pulling at my system, begging for more, pleading for me to go to the store and get a pack. I feel as if my mind is playing tricks on me, little cigarette men running around me, pulling at my pant legs, screaming, “let’s go to the store and get a pack of our friends. Go next door, down the street, someone has one, just for you.” So far so good, I have not given into the little men, voices in my head, shakes in my hands, begging for a cigarette.

I am proud of myself in some respects. Normally when I don’t have cigarettes I am a tyrant, my kids have to run for cover. I said since I am purposely not smoking, my kids were not going to suffer for my choice and I have managed to be cool most of the time. The other thing that I am proud of is that when I get upset, I tend to reach for a cigarette and if I don’t have one, borrow from a neighbor. I am happy to say that during my stress points I have grabbed my yo-yo instead.

I know it has only been a few days, but I just have to take one day at a time. I know that I can’t worry about tomorrow, just focus on getting through today. Well this day is almost over for me, and I can mark another smoke free day off my calendar.

What things are you trying to change in your life that is very difficult for you?

What techniques are you using to cope?

What do you hope to gain from the changes you are making?

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